Lifestyle

Women vent outrage after man 'bans' his wife from taking the pill

Wife pleads for advice after her husband becomes a strict Catholic during her second pregnancy and forbids her from using contraception

  • A wife is asking for advice after her husband ‘found God’ in the Catholic Church  
  • He became religious during her pregnancy and now believes birth control is a sin
  • The mum-of-two is 36 and doesn’t want any more children due to health issues 

A heartbroken wife is pleading for advice about saving her marriage after her husband ‘found God’ and now forbids her from using contraception.

The man, who became ‘very religious’ over the past two years, was recently baptised into the Catholic Church, which teaches that birth control is ‘intrinsically evil’ and only permits natural methods of family planning such as menstrual cycle tracking.

During his wife’s second pregnancy, he told her he believes contraception ‘is a sin’ and banned her from taking the pill and other forms of hormonal birth control.

The 36-year-old mother-of-two is not religious and doesn’t want any more children due to health complications arising from her last pregnancy – differences that are driving a widening wedge between the couple.

‘Telling him this lead to disagreement, then argument, then resentment,’ the wife posted anonymously in an Australian parenting group on Facebook.

A heartbroken Australian wife is pleading for advice about saving her marriage after her husband ‘found God’ and now forbids her from using contraception (stock image)

‘We’ve been at odds for over a year now and there is still no resolve. Apparently all forms of contraception are sinful besides cycle tracking, which doesn’t work for me.’

She said she is devastated that her husband – who is a ‘good man, wonderful father’ and overall a supportive spouse – has allowed his strict interpretation of Catholicism to jeopardise their marriage.

‘I’m so tired of it all,’ she wrote.

‘I feel that religion has no right to govern who loves who and how they do so, which has lead to more arguing.’

The wife said she doesn’t want to divorce her husband because he’s ‘such an amazing father’ but feels ‘lost’ about how to resolve their growing differences. 

‘I never imagined in a million years I’d be in this situation,’ she wrote.

‘We were both agnostic all our adult lives. He said having children made him seek God, I feel so lost on what to do.’

Her post has drawn dozens of sympathetic responses since it was uploaded online on Saturday.

‘This is so hard. I respect all religions but don’t understand how people cannot accept modern medicine,’ one woman replied. 

A second added: ‘I feel so so much for you deep in my heart. I’m so sorry.’

‘Narcissistic control disguised as religious belief. Girl, red flag. Run,’ said a third.

A fourth felt the husband should take responsibility for birth control given the complications his wife suffered during pregnancy.

‘He needs to really consider having a vasectomy,’ she said.

‘You have birthed his children, your body has grown both your children and if you have had complications and do not wish to have any more children your husband needs to respect your wishes.’

Others offered advice they felt would save the marriage without leaving the wife in misery.

What is the Catholic Church’s stance on contraception?

The Catholic Church forbids sex outside marriage, so its teachings about birth control should be understood in the context of husband and wife.

The Church believes using contraception is ‘intrinsically evil’ in itself, regardless of the consequences. Catholics are only permitted to use natural methods of birth control.

However the Church does not condemn things like the pill or condoms in themselves. What is morally wrong is using such things with the intention of preventing conception. Using them for other purposes is fine – for example, using the pill to regulate the periods of a woman who is not in a sexual relationship is not wrong.

The Church teaches that using artificial contraception is wrong because – among other things – it breaks the natural connection between the procreative and the unitive purposes of sex, turns sex into a non-marital act and gives human beings the power to decide when a new life should begin – that power belongs to God.

Source: BBC Religion

‘Take the pill hidden from him,’ one woman wrote, while a second suggested getting a contraceptive IUD inserted in secret.

‘I’m Catholic and believe in doing what is right for you! I take the pill, basically my theory is the church isn’t raising my children, I am, so I will choose when to have my children,’ said a third.

A fourth implored the wife to stay true to her beliefs, even if it means ending her relationship.  

‘He can still be an amazing father to your children. My ex is. Don’t ever live your life in unhappiness,’ she wrote.

But some saw the dilemma from the other side, suggesting the wife seek guidance ‘from a priest’ or a marriage counsellor.

‘As a Catholic I can relate to your husband’s point of view, and so it is a shame that natural family planning does not work you,’ one woman wrote.

‘This should not mean you have to feel lost, alone and powerless. This is never the aim of the Catholic church although at times it can seem you are left with no option.

Many implored the wife to stay true to her beliefs, even if it means ending her marriage (stock image)

‘I would suggest seeking advice from a priest – I am not saying this to be biased but rather so that you have a platform your husband will be happy with. Perhaps once you explain your issue with cycle tracking you will be given some other options.’

A second said she understood the husband’s aversion to the pill and encouraged the wife to find a middle ground for the sake of her marriage and children.

‘I’m Catholic and don’t believe in contraception either, natural family planning is just as if not more effective than contraception if used correctly,’ she wrote.

‘Having said that, it sounds like you both have very different and conflicting views. A marriage counselor may help you reach a compromise somehow?’ 

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