Lifestyle

I’m worried I’m going to find myself being my new partner's carer

DEAR DEIDRE: I STARTED dating a guy before lockdown and we were having fun, but he’s been taken ill and I’m worried I’m going to find myself being his carer.

My husband died of cancer six years ago after I’d nursed him for years and it was hard.


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When my daughter went to university I thought, “This is my time now. I can do as I please.” I’m 52. This man is 56.

He’s divorced but his ex-wife still plays a big part in his life and he moved in with her for lockdown. During our Zoom calls I realised that he drinks and smokes a lot.

I’d not seen that side of him before and was thinking I should end our relationship when his daughter called me saying he was in hospital with heart failure.

He’s home now, not with his ex, but it’s not looking good. I don’t want to look after him. Am I being selfish?

DEIDRE SAYS: No. This relationship was in the early stages and cracks were beginning to appear.

He hadn’t been honest about the role his ex-wife plays in his life or his smoking and drinking.

It’s sad he’s so ill but a few dates don’t create a duty to be his carer. My e-leaflet on Ending A Relationship will help you to make the break.

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