To post your SO or not to post: That is the question. It’s possible your partner not posting you enough on IG (or vice versa) rarely worries you. You might not be big on Insta or social media in general. Or if you are, but you’ve made the conscious decision to keep your love life private. On the other hand, maybe a healthy social media presence, preferably featuring your partner, is everything to you. So naturally, a significant other who doesn’t post pics of you on Instagram might really rub you the wrong way. And your feelings are perfectly valid! A recent study by review website FitRated found that roughly one in four people would consider breaking up with their partner for not posting them on social media.
For some, it may be easy for your imagination to get the better of you and make you feel some type of way. You might conclude that your partner has something or someone (chiefly: you) to hide. You might get extra salty that they kept pics of their ex up or that your partner still interacts with their ex on Instagram. Not getting posted might convey that your partner is ashamed of you or that you don’t matter enough to be posted about. Whatever the case, here’s some reassuring advice from nine people on how to deal with a partner that doesn’t post you on Instagram.
Respect your partner’s social media habits
— orderly_hopeless on Reddit
Trust your gut
— Isabel, 22
Focus on how your partner naturally expresses love
— coppin-it-washin-it on Reddit
See if there’s a compromise
— EdgyGoose on Reddit
Know might take some time
— Hannah, 26
Recognize they might separate personal and professional
— BeautyQueenKate on Reddit
Be honest about why you want them to Instagram you
— Niharika, 19
Be mindful of what else is on your partner’s plate
Just ask, so you’re on the same page
— averagemidwestgirl on Reddit
Looking at all the sage advice on this subject, there are a few routes you can take. You can opt to let go of this golden ideal, where this particular SO posts you about you as frequently or tenderly as you want. It just might not be in their nature to immortalize your love in Instagram posts. (And besides, as seen above: would you rather have a bunch of sweet-but-disingenuous IG posts about you, or a partner that stays true to how they express their love for you?) Pivot to embracing the benefits of keeping your relationship private.
Research shows that, more often than not, posting a lot about your relationship may signal you and your SO aren’t in a good place. Apart from correlations between constant relationship Instagramming and posters’ insecurity, staying off social media tends to be better for your mental health and gives you space to focus on your relationship. Just know that high "relationship visibility" isn’t all it’s cracked up to be — and not worth comparing your relationship to.
Keep in mind: This might just be new territory for your partner. Maybe they’ve never had a long-term SO to post about. Or maybe they have dated seriously in the past, but have never posted about an SO. Your partner might have the capacity or the urge to make cute Insta posts about you, but not know how to proceed (or that it’s something you want). All you might need to do is ask.
At the end of the day, as much as you might want the crowning glory of your social circles’ #RelationshipGoals, it’s your compatibility with your SO offline that truly counts.
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