DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife cheated right in front of me – with my friend’s wife.
It freaked me out. We have been married for four years and she is the only one for me. I’m 36, she is 33 and we don’t have any children yet.
We’ve been having a few problems lately and taking one another for granted.
Our sex life hasn’t been great but we are trying to sort it out. My friend has a decorating business and I work for him. We get along great and our wives do too. He and his other half have both just turned 40.
Before Christmas we went to theirs as we formed part of each other’s bubble. My mate and I had stopped work so we were celebrating. We had dinner with lots of drinks, and then a few shots.
The girls were sitting on the floor and my wife was telling my mate’s wife about our problems. I was irritated as I felt they weren’t anyone else’s business. Suddenly, my wife and the other girl started kissing.
Then my mate’s wife started to move her head down the front of my wife’s dress, kissing her all the time, and took her breast out. My face must have said it all. I was horrified. I stormed outside to cool off, with my wife running after me saying, “We thought it would turn you on. It was just a bit of fun.”
When we went back inside, my mate and his wife were getting down to sex so we backed out and gave them a few minutes. We joined them when they had sorted themselves out and we chatted about what had happened. But to be honest I was so hammered I can’t remember the outcome.
My mate’s wife messaged me the next day asking if I was OK. “More or less,” I replied and she said: “Next time we will involve you.” I went along with it, replying: “I guess it was rather erotic.”
But that wasn’t at all how I felt. I hated seeing my wife with somebody else. I don’t ever want to see anyone else kissing her, even if it is a friend.
My feelings are all over the place and I’m dreading going back to work.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You must share how you feel with your wife. Explain how much that evening upset you and say that you do not want a repeat.
Ask her why she felt she wanted to share your problems with someone else. Was it a way to get you to take seriously the need to make changes?
How does she think you can best strengthen your relationship? My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT will help you both. Tell her you love her so much that you can’t stand to see her sexually involved with someone else.
And explain to your mate you value his friendship but what happened was a one-off.
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