DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY day my wife starts a row. She has the temper of the devil and I’d divorce her, but I can’t walk properly after a stroke so I can’t shop for myself. She’s my carer.
We met 20 years ago. She’s 63 and I’m 71. Her dad rowed with her mum over silly things, which she mocks, yet does the same.
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I have two sons and she has a son and a daughter. She makes problems if I want my sons and grandchildren round but she has hers here all the time and is at theirs for Christmas and Easter, leaving me alone.
I got so fed up I said I wouldn’t pay for Christmas and birthday gifts for her family, as she never makes mine welcome. Last week I refused to pay for a gazebo for her daughter’s birthday and she called me Scrooge.
DEIDRE SAYS: Feeling trapped with her anger must make life miserable and you are vulnerable.
Suggest you two make a fresh start. She could learn to walk away and breathe deeply rather than mimic her dad. You could learn not to rise to the bait but suggest you each take ten to cool off. My e-leaflet Managing Anger can help.
However, if you feel at risk please talk urgently to Hourglass, who focus on the abuse and neglect of older people (wearehourglass.org, 0808 808 8141).
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