I feel so guilty about putting my Dad in a home but I had no choice

DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL so guilty about putting Dad into a care home.

He’s 80, has dementia and keeps falling. Mum is 76 and can’t cope with him at home any more.

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She can’t stop crying. She feels like she’s abandoning her soulmate after 55 years together.

Dad isn’t the easiest person at the best of times but the dementia makes him angry and lash out. His care team is exasperated too.

We still can’t visit because of coronavirus and as Dad isn’t good with technology, we can’t even chat with him on Zoom.

I’m 48 and feel like a terrible daughter. If I were to speak to him on the phone, I’d just break down.

DEIDRE SAYS: This is so hard for you both. Hopefully you should be able to visit him soon as Covid restrictions are gradually lifted.

Try not to worry about whether the care staff like your dad or not. They will be used to dementia patients and won’t judge him for getting angry. Instead of phoning you could write a letter to your dad and ask the care staff to read it to him.

You can get information and advice from Dementia UK (, 0800 888 6678).

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